Writing about writing

I've wanted to write for so long, so here I am, writing. I envisioned simple white letters on a black background, but it seems like this platform won't allow me to change the colors while I type this, so black on white it is... I guess I'll have to use my imagination. Anyhow It might be a good idea to start by writing about why I feel the need to write. I'm always oscillating between two states, or two positions towards my thoughts. In no order of importance, the first is that I feel like I have something of value to express. I feel I can bring some wisdom to the collective pool of thoughts. I consider myself insightful, and I value very much my philosophical side. However, the second position I often find myself holding, is one that belittles my thought process, that evaluates the whole thing as not good enough. This is probably the reason why I have seldom shared my views with the world so far. There is a risk that comes with revealing one's self. You expose your inner world to the critical public eye, and moreover, you don't exactly know who you expose yourself to. Also, there may or may not be any feedback given from the readers acknowledging these words, so it is almost like a message in a bottle, or a journal. It's a bit like writing to myself, or thinking out loud. Anyway, I don't know yet what subjects I might feel like writing about, but I think I'll end this first bit here, as I've been silent for so long, I don't want to start too intensely, only to feel like I have to do as much the next time. I feel like I need to tame this thing, lean into it. E